DAY THREE---yesterday

Yesterday was just bad all around. I woke up a half hour before the alarm clock. My heart was racing, like it might burst out of my chest and start running laps around the bed. I thought, I just woke up...it shouldn't be beating so hard.

I laid there for a while and took my nicotine patch off.

That's when things began to get ugly.

Yes, I smoked that morning. I can't even tell you how many I had. The patch didn't work--but it helped. Shawn had told me the previous night that I had better not chew the nicotine gum while wearing the patch because I could easily have a stroke.

"Smoking can make you have a stroke," I said.

At one point, I was in the restroom at work just bawling my eyes out, disapointed and quite angry with myself. I bummed a stoogie off Mike after I clocked out and complained that I'd failed.

"You smoked how much a day? And you're down to what, now?" he asked.

"I had 7 or 8 cigarettes the past 2 days; I dunno how many today," I replied.

"Well," Mike said, "You haven't failed. Maybe you're the type who just needs to cut back before quitting."

"I don't WANT to cut back. I want to QUIT!"



Shawn didn't do very well yesterday. He smoke quite a bit. We discussed this at home and he asked me to order a case of smokes from our once fave web site like I always do.

"No! I will not!" I snapped. The ashtrays are still missing from their once premanent places. All this is to keep us cut back. I demanded that we smoke only in the bathroom or outside.

"I've been smoking in the garage..." Shawn said sheepishly.

"I was wondering why you were taking so long to get into the shower the other night. I thought I smelled it, but was in denial," I said.

"Yep! I was smokin' then too!" he said.


There's a new pill that I've heard rave reviews about. You take it for a week and apparently people are quitting easily on it. Gonna call Monday to make an appointment with a doctor who will prescribe me this magic pill.

It's a shame all these things are by prescription. The inhaler has been out for a few years and it's still prescription only. It's not like you can high from it...or make crack.





Mom is doing FANTASTIC. She is convinced she will never by another pack of cigarettes for as long as she lives. Praise God! I am truly happy for her. All four of her grandchildren hugged her thoughtfully when they found out she'd quit smoking.

Me? I spent twenty minuets lecturing my oldest nephew, age 14, about staying away from cigarettes.

"How old were you when you started?" he asked.

"Fifteen. One year older than you..." I said, sadly.

Hey, he was the one to call me. He knows what to expect. There's a boy that lives across the street from us--looks about low teens. Next time I catch him in the street playing football, I'm gonna take another 20 minuets outta my time to lecture him too.

Kids can never hear too much about this. Look at me. I didn't listen.