Blood Suckers and Vampires

When I first got my Pneumonia bill last year from the behemoth hospital, Scott and White (otherwise known as Sit and Wait) I was floored since I was without health insurance.

I was orginally told that they could not come after me since it wasn't like a loan with the bank.

Wrong.

I made a payment every month, sometimes just not as much as they liked me to. I got a couple letters in the mail threatening legal action if I didn't make up the remainder of the "lessened" payments by such-and-such date.

We ate less that month.

I called them and explained that I needed my payment lowered; I simply couldn't afford the current one.

The snot on the other end of the phone line gave me a pert, "May I ask why? We need to know why."

Because my cocaine habit is cutting into my budget. HA HA!

Ok, but seriously, I told the woman, "Look, when I got this bill I didn't have medical insurance. I have medical insurance now so it's either pay you guys more and not have it, or the other way around. If I visit y'all again without insurance I can't pay the bill. But if I have insurance, it's pretty much guarenteed that the insurance company will pay y'all. If you expect it from me....not so much! It's up to you guys."

Let's see, I don't have an extra three grand just lying around but the insurance company probaby does. It made a lot a sense to the Snot and after getting shuffled around to supervisors and superiors in Dallas, I got the payment lowered significantly.

"How long is it gonna take you to pay it off?" Mom asked me.

"About 34 months, and I've already paid a ton on it!" I laughed.

Shawn's original theory was: "Well if they can't come after us and take the house, then we don't have to pay it! Look at all the illegal immigrants that don't have to pay their hospital bills!"

A nice thought, yes. But it would go on our credit. Sure, it would be nice to just not pay it, but apparently it doesn't work that way. Maybe we should get citizenship of another country, come back here as illegal immigrants and I wouldn't have any debt.

Of course, I like my theory best: Me and Shawn get legally divorced, have a kid (or six) and let the government pay for everything.