PART SIX Why Do We Fall?

I'd had it. God doesn't want me to smoke, right? Why does He then create miracles for some, but not for others? Mom called and asked how it was going. I cried to my mom as I had not in a long time.

She knew was I was going through all too well. I didn't have to describe my devastation, my disappointment in myself, my feeling of weakness. I felt a little better after speaking with Mom, though.

I told Shawn I felt as though God wasn't hearing my prayers. "Maybe God wanted you to fail," he said gently.
"Why would God want me to fail?" I sobbed.
"Because He knew you would pick yourself up and try again and be stronger the next time."

I thought on this for a couple of days. No parent takes pleasure from seeing their child fail. But a father knows if his young child is going fail outright, but does not say anything. When the child falls, the father will lift up the child and say, "Now, try again. Take another step."

In this respect, the child's legs will be a little stronger, his knees a little more stable. Balance will soon be established. Soon, the father will watch his child walking tall and he will be proud.

God knew I wasn't strong enough this time. Or that I was using the wrong method. God had heard my prayers and had known how badly I wanted to quit smoking. But instead of saying, "No. This isn't the right way to go about it," He let me practice and He let me fall. Yes, in a couple of days God picked me up. He even placed a twenty dollar bill on the ground for Shawn to find.

Shawn bought flowers & left them in my car on his lunch break. When I got home, another batch of flowers greeted me from inside the fridge. I was reminded that while, yes I had failed to quit yet another time, I had a wonderful husband who loved me in spite of my addiction. A man who cares enough for me to surprise me not once, but twice!



A Chain of Events
A week before my attempted quit, someone had suggested the Allan Carr book. While I was reading the book, I was thrilled to be reading it. I explored it further and discovered that Carr has a four hour web cast for $149 Seemed a bit greedy for someone who "genuinely" wanted to cure the world of smoking. But I brushed it off. I thought if the book might work for me, Shawn would have to try it. But he HATES to read in the same way that I hate math.

So began the search for the book on CD. It didn't exist as it turned out. I did an eBay search and found a woman with the book and 2 CDs that amounted to a personal consultation with Carr. She stated in her auction that a friend had given her the book, but that she didn't need it because she had quit using cold laser therapy.

I emailed the seller and probed further into this "laser" stuff. It seemed scary, whatever it was. Rita, as it were, told me she didn't want to quit smoking. She was a heavy smoker but had to quit for health reasons. She smoked all the way up to the front door of the clinic and walked out, never having smoked again. That was a year and a half ago. Her husband followed a month after and he quit as well.

Well, this deserved further investigation! I had bid on the book and CDs but had forgotten them and lost by a lousy 50 cents. That night, the night I would have my last cigarette on the Carr method, I searched for laser therapy. Over the course of the week, I spent as much time as possible speaking with folks on forums, reading every grain of information on laser therapy I could get my hands on.

Out of the twenty or so people I had spoken with, only three said it had not worked. I found out that laser therapy had been used in Europe for over twenty years and had only gained a slight popularity in America over the last five years. The FDA was running many clinical trials and looking to get it approved.


In the early beginning of my searches, I came across an article from a news station in Austin, Texas. It stated that this woman, Val Frier had tried everything to quit smoking. She quit smoking by using laser therapy. She was so impressed that she trained to become a certified laser technician and opened her own clinic. I skimmed the article and ignored the address and phone number at the bottom of the page.

I began to search for someone who did this closer to home and repeatedly came up with nothing. With almost every search, no matter what I typed in the search box of my browser, that article kept coming up. I decided to re-read it and I phoned Ms. Frier.

I was actually stunned, yet facinated by her humanity. A couple weeks prior, I had been somewhat looking into hypnosis. I phoned two near Austin who both seemed almost as though I were wasting their time. I was very put off by it. Ms. Frier seemed passionate, caring and willing to answer my every question. She almost seemed to want me to quit smoking as badly as I want it myself.

I spoke to Shawn & made an appointment. I've decided I will re-read Carr's book to reinforce how badly I want this. I don't know if Carr's method is best for everyone, but a lot of what he writes makes a lot of sense and gets you so pumped to want to quit. And that can't be bad to pair with any method.

I must admit I am a bit nervous, but also excited. Many have told me that afterward, they feel as though they need to do something with their hands--like something is almost missing. Perhaps I'll learn to knit.....


NEXT Part Seven....The results of my Laser Therapy