I originally decided to take up smoking because I thought it might make me thin--therefore beautiful. How ironic that for many years I have convinced myself that I could never be beautiful as a smoker.
I don't suffer with the self esteem issues that I had in high school or shortly after. I no longer obsess over it--those days are long past. Though I do think about it. Who out there wouldn't love to have a body worthy of displaying in a bathing suit? I could do it--sure. All it takes is the right exercises aimed in the right places. It seems I am always exhausted after work. I do not have the energy I should. I should be a healthy 2o-something.
Healthy is sexy to me. I know I'll have more energy when I quit smoking. I'll be able to do those exercises. I'll feel more confident, not because I'll have the energy to gain the body I've always wanted, but because I'll no longer be ashamed of myself. No smoker is proud of being a smoker. I will walk straighter because I will be able to hold my head up without coughing.
I have more acne now that I did in high school. And yes, I do believe that smoking plays a roll in that. Nicotine affects the hormones; hormones affect breakouts. I am more fortunate than some in that I do not have severe acne, but even a little can make a person feel as though they look bad. When you look bad, you feel bad about yourself.
I am also fortunate in having found a husband who is physically attracted to the Challenged in Height with a Big Behind Club. But all this does not make me fell better about myself. It is true, cancer patients are often treated to make overs and genuine human hair wigs, because when you feel like you look good on the outside, you feel better on the inside.
I'd love to at least once, go to Schilterbaun, a massive water park in our state. I haven't worn a bathing suit since I was 10 years old and that is what has prevented me from going.
No, I cannot feel good about myself when I am ashamed of who I am. I cannot have confidence when I know I reek of stale smoke. I know I will never be the person I want to be, or the girl God intended me to be as long as I have a burning stick of smoke between my fingers.
COMING SOON....
How to talk to your kids; it wasn't that long ago that I was one
A brief education in cigarettes
2 comments:
I don't think that smoking is the best way to look beautiful. Quite on the contrary. It's the best way to destroying your skin. Go in for sports and you will feel better.
Uh-huh. For those of you who also only read the first sentence of this post and NOTHING else.....
I was making the point that smoking has lowered my self esteem, confidence and makes me feel ugly.
I'll go to football tryouts right after work today. That should fix everything.
To everyone else, if you're gonna comment--at least read the entire first paragraph
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