Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Wal-Mart Arms Dealers.... Always Low Prices!

When the Dow goes down, everybody freaks out. "Oh! Oh! We're gonna enter into another Great Depression! What'll we do?"

I have some advice. Watch the stock market, but only one stock. If Wal-Mart stock tanks, we're all done for! The Dow has nothing on Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart is the biggest store in the nation; it's the biggest store outside of the nation. It owns more companies than Ted Turner. It has squashed more competition than Clear Channel.

So, when Wal-Mart tanks, I suggest you stock up on Great Value green beans and cat food, because we're all gonna be in the crapper.

Dang that Wal-Mart! I have an image in my head where Wal-Mart has taken over the world. Wal-Mart will distribute Great Value arms to countries at war. Adults will speak the phrase, "I grew up at Wal-Mart Great Value Orphanage." We'll have Great Value clinics, banks, and fast food franchises. Ugh. The world is gonna be an ugly place full of lines that don't move and irritable clerks in blue vests.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Walmart IS taking over the world!

They are now planning on opening clinics AND plan on selling what they call "marital aids".

Whip out those coupons for prostate exams folks!

Amanda said...

Sam Walton does somersaults in his grave already I'm sure. With as much as Wally-world has changed since he died, it wouldn't surprise me if they one day did everything you just wrote about.

What kills me now is how Walmart is trying to go 'upscale'. If that isn't an oxymoron I don't know what is...