New Year's Resolutions

"We're a sad bunch..." Mom groans as we huddle in a smoke filled corner at the mall, shielding each other from the cold wind.

That was a while back. Mom was diagnosed with emphazema about 5 years ago. They gave her 10 years to live.

But what do doctors know?

"My smoking may not send me to hell," she says, "but it'll get me to Heaven a lot quicker."

The great 'ol state of Texas raised cigarettes by a dollar a pack and for anyone who smokes 1 or 3 packs a day, knows they must quit or give up eating. I'm all for it. I wish they would illegalize tobacco.

I also wish they'd put Mom on an oxygen tank. She wouldn't light up with the knowledge of starting an explosion.

Shawn and I are also about to jump on that wagon. My buddy at work quit a couple days ago. We'll start on the Jan 10, the day after Shawn's birthday. I don't like to talk about it too much here because we do sell items on eBay. But don't worry, we don't smoke around the merchandise and we've never had a complaint.

What worries me is that I might turn into Dad. Dad once literally picked up a lawn mower and literally threw it across the lawn. We could hear him screaming and cursing from inside the house. Why? Because of withdrawel.

They say quitting smoking is harder than quitting heroin. I believe it. They don't have heroin on racks behind the counter at the 7-11 or Wal-Mart. You don't see people driving around while shooting up. You can't smell heroin burning after a coworker walks back inside after a hit.

But it's not like that with smoking. I smell it on my coworkers after they come back inside and I want one.

My main motivation for quitting? I do not want to be like my mother. Always in and out of doctors, always has bronchitis or pneumonia. Now and then ends up in the ER with severe chest pains. Struggling to take a breath. Fighting to speak.

It hurts to know that she is hurting so much all the time. I do not wish that on my loved ones. I don't want them to hurt because of a silly plant that I smoked. A simple leaf, dried and shredded, wrapped in paper. For us, it amounts to about $1700 a year.

Gone. $1700 a year inhaled and exhaled. Coughed up in the form of ugly flem. Seems silly, doesn't it?

If you've never been addicted to anything--even food--it's hard to explain. The best I can describe it as being tremendisly hungry. You gotta eat. But what if you're trying to quit? Everywhere you go, you smell food! You see it in public! You become irritable and cranky until you just want to heft a lawn mower into the air and heave it across the lawn!

I went to several stores last night searching the nicotine patch in the highest milligrams, Step 1, as it's called. Most stores were out. You'd think after hearing about the cost of cigs rising, stores would have prepared by ordering a massive amount of Step 1 products.

I finally got my first box at Wal Greens thinking "I can barely afford to quit!" after paying $33 for a 2 week supply. Though it's still cheaper than a carton of cigs. I never tried the patch very seriously. It's working for several people I know.

I've been praying everyday for the last 2 months for God to lend me some strength while I do this. There was no way I was going to quit before Thanksgiving. My family would've hated me right up through New Year's. I wanted to enjoy the holidays this year without being a witch to everyone.

Y'all pray for us, if you're the praying kind. The Bible says I can do anything through Christ Jesus. He can raise the dead, heal the sick and make the blind to see... Surely He will help me as I quit smoking. Surely, He will comfort this home so Shawn and I don't try to kill each other.

It's gotta be easier this time. It HAS to be. We can't slip up this time, we can't afford to, financially or physically.

Dear Lord, let it be easier this time. Comfort our cravings and crankiness. Keep us busy, keep our minds busy. Keep me and Shawn from killing each other!






Above all else, I am looking forward to the benefits of quitting.

Simple things, that non smokers take for granted.


Taking a breath of fresh air.

How much better food will tatse! (my other addiction, is in fact food)

How much better things will smell, how much better I will smell!

How much life I'll have to look forward to. I'm 20 years away from being at the age my mom was diagnosed. 15 years away from the age my grandfather died of a heart attack. Shawn is a mere 20 years away from the age his smoking father died of a heart attack.

To know what it's like to not want it, to not need it. That's the true benefit.

I am almost 26 years old. I've smoked for 11 years. I currently smoke 2 packs or more a day. I pray my foolishness hasn't destroyed my lungs completely. I pray this is the end. How I envy the non smokers! The Bible says we should not envy. I think this may be the one exception.

And I do. I do envy the non smokers for not being so foolish. For being healthy by their own means, and not destorying themselves knowingly.

With God's help, and only by God's help, I WILL be one those non smokers. I will not allow my future children to watch me die in a hospital or see me drop dead on the living room floor. No, I will raise little non smokers who will have little non smokers of their own.

We're changing the family tradition. Most hope to send their kids to college for the first in their family. I hope to start generations of non smokers.