A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Minister...

Ok, so I'm low on material lately, so I lifted some stuff from Reader's Digest. For those of you who don't read it, enjoy!


A priest, a rabbi, and a minister decide to see who's best at his job. So they go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. The priest begins, "When I found a bear, i recited the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his first Communion."

"I found a bear by a stream," says the minister, "and preached God's holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him."

They both looked at the rabbi who was wrapped in a body cast. "Looking back," he says, "maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumsision."




The other day, it was so cold, a lawyer was actually spotted with his hands in his own pockets.


What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
Gifted

How can you tell when a blonde has been using a computer?
There Wite-Out all over the screen


Many doctors have a God complex. But surgeons insist that's wrong. It's God who has a doctor complex.



A mechanic was removing the cylinder head from the motor of a Harley when he spotted a world-famous heart surgeon. He shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, look at this. I can open it up, take out the valves, fix 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish, this'll work like new. So how come I get a pitanceand you get the really big money when we basically do the same work?"

The surgeon leaned over and said, "Try doing it while the engine is running."



Michalanglo and a politician arrive at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter proclaims, "He's here!" and ushers the politician inside as trumpets sound and angels sing.
As Michelangelo follows, the gates slam shut in his face. Shakenm he knocks and St. Peter appears.
"I don't understand," Michelangelo says. "I have served God all my life and I arrive here and am completely ignored in the midst of a tremendous welcome for, of all people, a politician!"

"I'm sorry," says St. Peter. "We have many artists in Heaven, but this is our first politician!"



About 15% of Americans are screwballs, lightweights, and boobs. And you don't want people like that not represented in Congress. --Former Senator Alan Simpson



It's not true that most bosses lack a heart. It's just that they keep them locked up for saf keeping.


How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three--one to hold the bulb, and 2 to turn the ladder.

How many blondes does it take to screw in alight bulb?
One--She holds the bulb and waits for the world to revolve around her

How many politicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Four. One to change it, and three to deny the change.

How many military officers does it take to screw in alight bulb?
At the present point in time it is against policy and our strategy's best interest to divulge information of that nature. Nest question please.

How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
How many can you afford?

How many CEOs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. We hire contract out for things like that.

How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
That depends. Do you have health insurance?