No Time to Breathe

Between work, eBay, errands, family, etc...I feel like I'm having a nervous breakdown. I am overwhelmed and I haven't even begun to start a lesson for Sunday School this week.

Writing on this blog has been therapeutic to me (even if no one's reading it) but I haven't had time. I've resorted to leaving quick, funny comments to our feedback received on eBay. That's about as much writing as I've done.

It's 3:30 am and I've been up since 1 am.

Tuesday night. I felt a cold coming on hard. I took some vitamins and laid in bed to enjoy my 20 minuets to myself. The only 20 minuets I'd had to myself in days. I was watching something dumb on TV when Shawn asked me about something about what we're selling. After he left the room, I started to cry.

I only wanted 20 minuets before I went to sleep. I couldn't turn off my brain. Have to do this, gotta do that, this needs to be done... I just wanted to forget it all but I couldn't.

Shawn came to bed and I sat there, nose running and stuffed up. I went to the bathroom and sat on the stool and began to cry hard. I began to hyperventilate.

"Breathe, baby, breathe!" Shawn said rubbing my back.

"There's no time!" I said, exasperated. The only thing in my head was that I didn't have time to get sick. I had so much to do!

Wednesday. I cut outta work early. I coulda had a fat check this week but this time last year I got a cold that turned into bronchitis, that turned into pneumonia. That turned into over $3,000 owed to the hospital due to lack of insurance.

I have insurance now but I decided it was worth it to go home and rest and avoid the whole pneumonia bit. I fell asleep at 3:30 pm and slept till 6:30 after my date with a NyQuil. Good stuff, that NyQuil. However, the night didn't go as well as my nap. I awoke numerous times, for good at 1am.

My back was hurting, very painfully. ...right where my left kidney sits. Oh no. I'd been peeing every half hour and it was slightly uncomfortable there. If I have a kidney infection, it'll be my first. Though I do have a little experience seeing how painful it can be after watching my brother in law pass kidney stones week after week, and my mom, and Shawn.

I don't have time for this.

I finally got out of bed after laying there for 40 minuets. I was wide awake and in pain. Wonderful combination. Worked on the computer for a while and here I am. My alarm clock will be going off in one hour.

I think God is trying to tell me to slow down. My biggest fear is that it will take a freight train to run me down before I see that.