Road Rage on Steroids

We went to seek out a mall near Austion that we'd never been to before. Shawn wanted me to drive the easy parts, and he'd drive the confusing parts. That never happened because I ended up driving all the way there while Shawn played navigator. He's got 2 points left on his license so he's been a little nervous of lately.

Anyway, I normally don't mind interstate driving. When I go to work, I easily navigate around the semi trucks that are doing, quite literally, 90 miles per hour in a 65 mph zone. Is it scary in a small Mazda? You bet, but I sat a little prayer every ramp and seem to make it to work every day unharmed.

The interstate heading south is a bit different though. It's 2 lanes that are each 6 inches wide with a massive concrete wall 2 inches from your door handle. Oh, and everyone driving on it seems to be in a HUGE hurry.

"They can go around, I don't care!" I said as my knuckles turned white while I kept my eye on that concrete wall.

At one point I was actually doing close to 80 mph, just to keep up with traffic and still had a bunch of ***holes (forgive me) behind me, 2 inches from my bumper. One passed me on the left and got right in front of me and suddenly slammed on the brakes!

I began to curse at the driver as though he could here me. "What if I had babies in the backseat? No, that's beside the point! That was uncool, man! Very uncool!"

Shawn said I should of just ran into him for spite but I didn't want to ruin the trip.

On the way home, Shawn drove since that sort of incident happened to me several more times on the way.

Shawn was minding his speed carefully since one more ticket meant I'd be toting him to work at 6 am and he doesn't have to be at work till 8 am!

So there we were carreening down Interstate 35, a section of luxurious, wide 3 lanes and open spaces. The next lane over had 3 semi trucks and the far right lane was completely empty.

A white Yukon-kind of thing came up behind us and followed VERY closely, the off close that MAKES ME VERY NERVOUS. "He's gonna do it," Shawn said.

The Yukon-thing passed us on the left in the narrow emergency lane with blinding speed! The blue truck behind him did the same! I couldn't believe it!

"What if we had children in this car!" I hollered. "We won't survive a roll over!" Ok, nothing happened... but what if it did? That's what goes through my head when people act like IDIOTS on the road. By this time, I had had ENOUGH of IDIOT drivers. I got my shotgun from under my seat and...

No, I'm kidding. Here's what really happened. I started griping about the 3rd lane was completely open for passing when this jerk had to pass us that closely on the left. We passed the semi trucks, who all looked concerned for us and had actually started taking evasive action like in Smokey and the Bandit. It was beautiful.

Except for one thing. I saw the Yukon-thing taking an exit ramp as we passed him and I felt--uh oh--I felt my old self creeping up.

I caught his eye and glared at him hard. I saw his hand start to go up but I beat him to the punch. I flipped pressed the back of my hand to the glass and flipped him the bird as I shot him the most evil look I could drum up.

He did the same and started waving his hand (as if to say "Come here, please") and saying something I couldn't understand at 70 mph. Yeah, let me just put my life on hold, turn around and kick your butt. Get a life dude, what are you going to do, you Kevin Federline looking dork?

You must imagine I was shaking in my K Swiss sneakers.

That's what I hate about summer--besides the 103 degree temperatures. All these kids that have been driving for about 5 minuets decide they own the road and if you're in the way, they're gonna beat you up. Ha ha!

Am I sorry I flipped him off? Almost. I haven't flipped off anyone in 3 years except a couple times in a playful way with friends. I could've handled myself more like an adult, yes, I'll admit that.

But what if I had babies in the car?!

It's people like that that really make me want to follow them and freak them out.

"Oh, you actually followed me. Um, now what? Should I get my mom or something?"

It's also people like that that make me want to keep a a good sturdy baseball bat in the trunk.