They Say It's Your Birthday

On Thursday I stopped in Wal-Mart (it's all we have) and I found some movies on VHS for $1.88. Feeling pretty proud of my find I stepped in line of an express checkout.

This 140 year old woman was working the cash register and scanned one of my movies. The machine beeped annoyingly and she eyeballed me. The movie was rated R and the cursed machine was asking if the customer was over 17.

Now, I realize I have a baby face. I get carded for everything, everywhere. Everyone says I'll appreciate it when I'm older but it's the Now that annoys me. Personally, I think I look at least 17 years old.

As I fished for my driver's license out of my purse, the woman looked me over. I found it and handed it to her. She scrutinized over it and squinted hard.

Come on! It's not like I'm trying to buy Sudafed! I'm not going to take to these movies home and sniff 'em!!

But the old lady was doing her job and saving the world, one R rated movie at a time. Apparently she left her bifocals at home. She squinted at my license and brought it closer, then held more back, forever adjusting her squint.

"81?" she asks in a sweet, hoarse, old-lady voice.

"Yes! 1981; I turn 25 tomorrow! I was born in 1981; I'm 25 years old!"

I was running out of patience, especially when the old lady decided that my license wasn't a fake (who are we kidding?) and was content to allow me to purchase my Bruce Willis movie.

Then the machine beeped hysterically as the woman pushed some buttons. It would seem that the computer also thought my license might be fake and did not want me to purchase my freaking movie!

I was about to say Forget It when the computer agreed to cooperate. Sweating, because it's always 115 degrees in Wal-mart, I took my bag and ran out into open air.

I realize these people have to limit kids from buying R rated movies and some of them don't even give a rat's. But come on, I'm 25 and it's not like I just shot Reagen.

If you don't get that joke--go read the news.