I ALSO HAVE RELIGIOUS JOKES/HUMOR IN MY DIDJA EVER NOTICE SECTION (right sidebar, 'bout half way down)
I AM THANKFUL:
FOR THE WIFEWHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT, BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME, AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
FOR THE HUSBAND WHO IS ON THE SOFA BEING A COUCH POTATO, BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.
FOR THE TEENAGER WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME, NOT ON THE STREETS.
FOR THE TAXES I PAY BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM EMPLOYED .
FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.
FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.
FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE
FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING, WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING, AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME .
FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT BECAUSE IT MEANS WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH..
FOR THE PARKING SPOT I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION .
FOR MY HUGE ELECTRICITY BILL BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM COOL.
FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH WHO SINGS OFF KEY BECAUSE IT MEANS I CAN HEAR.
FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.
FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES AT THE END OF THE DAY BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.
FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFFIN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.
AND FINALLY, FOR TOO MUCH E-MAIL
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE FRIENDS WHO ARE THINKING OF ME.
SEND THIS TO SOMEONE YOU CARE ABOUT. I JUST DID.
Live well, Laugh often, & Love with all of your heart!
You see, there were a few times when I thought I would lose my mind,but GOD kept me sane. (Isa. 26:3)
There were times when I thought I could go no longer, but the LORD keptme moving. (Gen 28:15)
At times, I've wanted to lash out at those whom I felt had done mewrong, but the LORD kept my mouth shut. (Psa. 13)
Sometimes, I think the money just isn't enough, but GOD has helped meto keep the lights on, the water on, the car paid, the house paid,etc.., (Matt. 6:25 -34)
When I thought I would fall, HE kept me up. When I thought I was weak,HE kept me strong! (I Pet. 5:7, Matt. 11:28-30)
I could go on and on and on, but I'm sure you hear me!Praise the Lord and pass the filet mignon! I'm blessed to be "KEPT."
Are you...or do you know a "kept" woman?
If so pass it on to her to let her know she is "Kept"
**A Bible which is falling apart usually belongs to someone who is not.--Charles H. Spurgeon
Insightful
There was a blind girl who hated herself just because she's blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He's always there for her. She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend.
One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and then she can see everything, including her boyfriend.
Her boyfriend asked her, "Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?"
The girl was shocked when she saw that her boyfriend is blind too, and refused to marry him. Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to her saying. "Just take care of my eyes dear."
Life Is A Gift
Today before you think of saying an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak.
Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.
Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out to God for a companion.
Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who went too early to heaven.
Before you complain about your children - Think of someone who desires children but they're barren.
Before you argue about your dirty house, someone didn't clean or sweep - Think of the people who are living in the streets.
Before whining about the distance you drive - Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.
And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had your job.
But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another - Remember that not one of us are without sin and we all answer to one maker.
And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face and thank God you're alive and still around.
DUCT TAPE OR NAILS
A man dies and goes to Heaven. Of course, St Peter meets him at the Pearly Gates.
St Peter says, "Here's how it works. You need 100 points to get into Heaven. You tell me all the good things you've done, and I give you a certain number of points for each item, depending on good it was. When you reach 100 points, you get in."
"Ok," the man says. "I was married to the same woman for 50 years and never cheated on her, not even in my heart."
"Wonderful!" St Peter says. "That's worth 3 points."
"Three points?" the man asks. "Well, I attended church all my life and supported its ministry with my tithe and service."
"Terrific!" says St Peter. "That's certaintly worth a point."
"One point?!" the man exclaims. "Well, I started a soup kitchen and worked in a shelter for homeless veterans."
"Fantastic. That's good for 2 more points," St Peter says. "TWO POINTS?!" the man cries, exasperated. "At this rate, the only way I'll get into Heaven is by the grace of God."
"Bingo!" says St Peter. "100 points! Come on in!"
We often try to fix things with WD-40 and duct tape. God did it with nails.
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