Shopping for Toilet Paper

I'm not even kidding when I tell you that you need a scientist to decipher which brand of Toilet Paper (TP) is the cheapest. I always buy 12 roll packs and I would to continue the cheapest brand without it being actual tree bark on a cardboard roll.

Every so often I stare aimlessly into the TP aisle. I stand solidly still and stare at the endless stacks of algebra problems. Of course, it would be easiest to figure out the cheapest price per roll. But alas, this is not the case. Not by far. You have your 4 pack, 12 pack and 24 pack. You've got your double roll, triple roll, ultra roll, and super-ultra-roll. You've got quilted and super absorbent, one ply, two ply, even three ply. There's super sleek and super soft, even. Oh, and look! That one has 500 sheets per roll, and that one's got 1,000 sheets per roll.

So you as well put away your coupons and mini calculators and instead, invest your time and money into a bachelor's degree in some math related area. 1,000 sheets per roll? Super! But is it a double roll?

When did it all get so complicated? When I was a kid, we just got the mid-ranged priced tissue. It wasn't quite tree bark but it wasn't like wiping with a silk blanket either. But by purchasing it, my mother at least knew she was getting her money's worth. When I was in high school I was always asking when I would ever use algebra. When will I ever use x + y =a?? Is this one of those rare occasions where I might use it?

Which brand of TP is "x"? And should I supply the regular roll or the double roll for "y"?