Shawn Got My Cold. He's Almost Dying

Shawn's had my cold for the last week. Like most husband's, you'd think he was dying. When I have a cold, life carrys on for the most part. Dinner gets cooked and errands get ran. But The Husband has a different set of programs in his head. If he gets a sniffle, he is dying.

Ok, I must be honest and tell you it wasn't that bad this time. My cold was pretty much all in my sinuses, as with Shawn's. He'd snort and try to breathe and cough back the phlem and follow up with a "Ungh."

Snort.
(exhale)
"UNGH!"
repeat 10, 783 times

I asked him if was making a porno over there. "Shut up! I can't breathe!" he laughed. "That's the sexiest cold I ever heard!" I said.

Shawn's always snored. ALWAYS. With my trouble sleeping, this merely adds to the problem. He's also a kicker, a pusher, a stealer of all blankets. I often wake up freezing to find all the blankets on the floor of his side of the bed.

He's what I might call an Awake Sleeper. He does things in his sleep that you'd only expect from someone who was awake. Shawn has never laid a hand on me in our entire history together. Not once, not ever. Though in the past I've wondered if he had harnessed some hatred deep within his head. A few times when I've woken him up for work, he's take a swing at me. He actually hit me in the face once and punched me right in the boob another time. Of course he always apologizes when I tell him, but that's just to give you an idea of how he sleeps.

Shawn is 6'5". We sleep in a twin bed. For real. And he thinks he owns all of it. He's pushed me out of bed a few times, not to mention that he himself has fallen out of the bed a couple times. He lays his head on my pillow--with me still on it.

Why was it again that I can't sleep?

With the cold, Shawn's snoring is outta control. In the past when he was snoring, I could give him alittle tap or a good shove and he'd roll over and stop snoring. I tried this a couple nights ago. The "taps" would never wake him up, he'd just shift his position or snort or roll over. This wasn't the case this time.

Apparently ever time I touched Shawn, it woke him up. I had to get up at 4:30 am for work so I was determined to get some sleep. Finally, Shawn starts barking at me, "I'm SICK! I'm SORRY I'm SNORING!!" and stomping around from the bathroom tot he kitchen and back again. In a bad imitation of me, he says, "I can't sleep so I'm gonna wake you up!!"

About 9:30 pm I was finally dozing. This was it! I was finally in that state between being awake and sleeping. Shawn pushed me on my back. "Wake up! You're snoring, wake up!"

What a complete turd. "I wasn't sleeping! I wasn't trying to wake you up!!" I snapped.

Maybe I'd get some sleep the next night, I thought.