Bad Luck Birthday

Today is my birthday. Now, before you go wishing me a happy birthday, I must first tell you that I tend to get bad luck on my birthdays. I'm not quite sure why, but for the last few years the actual day of my birthday is usually a very bad day.

So I thought, if I think I'm going to have a bad day, I will have a bad day. I put my birthday out of my head. When I got up this morning, I had completely forgotten it was my birthday until Shawn got up and said, "Happy birthday, baby!"

"Oh yeah," I mused. "It's my birthday!" I hadn't even considered for a second the repercussions that my excitement might have on my day. At that precise moment, I glanced at the carpet and noticed what looked like a few leaves on the floor.

I had just taken my stuff to the car and the ground was wet so I looked again. Here, I must interrupt the story to explain that yesterday I had spent three hours moving furniture to shampoo the carpet. Say bye-bye to Lucy's accident stains! The living room smelled so good! I was proud of our living room once again. If that dog comes in here five minuets after the rug's dry, I'm gonna scream, pack a bag, and flat out run away.

So I was looking at the "leaves".
"Is that....poop?" I asked. I flicked the light on and sure enough, there was four perfectly shaped little turds on my rug, less than 24 hours after I had cleaned it. Inside the thick tread of my sneaker was also poop. A lot of poop.

"I just cleaned the rug!!!!"

"and you just ground poop into it!" Shawn said. He sneaked into the kitchen, grabbed a paper towel and headed for the office. "Did I track it in there too?!"

That set the tone the rest of the day.

A couple hours later, at work, I used the restroom and the toilet over flowed. Grossed out by standing in my own piss water, I quickly flipped the lid down and jumped on top of it so I could get into the tank. A lot of good that did, because by now water had flooded into the break room where I was now standing in my own piss water, mopping up my own piss water.

Well, at least it's my own pee I was standing in.

Later, as I was sitting to use the restroom again (in a different bathroom) I banged my head against the wall as I lowered my bottom to the toilet. Now really sure how it even happened, but my forehead will tell you otherwise. On my next restroom trip, I told a coworker to come check on me if I wasn't out in ten minuets.

Let's see, oh and I banged my funny bone (ha ha) so hard that I bruised my elbow. It wasn't funny.

And this was all before 10 am. Want to wish me a happy birthday? Go check out my video in the right hand column. More is coming soon, but I doubt I'll work on anything tonight. I'm likely to blow up the computer or something if I spend too much time here.

I'm going to bed and I'm pulling the covers over my head until it's April 1st. I'm 27, by the way, if it means anything to anyone. My back and feet say I'm 45, though.