My Own Reality Show

Unless you've been under a rock for last few years, you know as well as I do that reality TV shows have exploded. They're everywhere. They're about everything. They're about everybody.

Seinfeld had no idea what he was doing when he coined the phrase, "The show about nothing."

So one dreary Saturday afternoon, Shawn was flipping through the channels. He was on-call so there wasn't much else we could do. He stumbled upon MTV and a program about a skinny white dude and a large black dude.

Someone had pooped in their pool so they had it drained (a large bucket of chlorine would probably be well enough). After draining the pool, they decided to have a mural painted on the pool's floor.

The mural was of themselves. The skinny white dude was a merman; the large black dude was a Shamu-man. I'm not being rude here. It was the lower half of Shamu with the upper half of the large black dude.

"What is this?" I asked.
"I dunno," Shawn replied.
"Who are these guys?" I ponder aloud.
"I dunno," Shawn replied.
"Are they lovers?"

This third question gave Shawn pause. "I dunno," he said finally. "Why?"
"Because they had themselves painted together as mermen. That's a little gay."

Nooooo....THIS is a little gay. Get it? Because it's a small rainbow!!! HA HA!!!

....Oh, never mind. I couldn't find any pics of that little guy from The Soup.

Anyway, my point is, that's 22 solid minuets about two guys living together and how someone had pooped in their swimming pool. TWENTY-TWO MINUETS.

Why can't I have my own reality show? I'm more interesting than this! And who else is tired of seeing immature thirty year olds breaking stuff and hurting each other.

I'm not above fart jokes! I'm not beneath crude humor! Come see me in my daily life. Come give ME a fat paycheck for letting you film my 9 to 5. Honestly, I think we've seen it all.
And it's all BORING.

On the twelfth day of sweeps, the producers gave to me...

A bunch of has-been celebrities dancing. Badly.
Several ringers completing for a recording contract.
Another Newlywed game show.
A handful of thirty year olds making asses of themselves.
Many shows about finding "The One".
Prime time game shows with has been celebrities hosting them.
Twenty filthy people fighting for a million dollars.
Fiiiiiiivvvveee nights a week with DVDs.
An interracial gay couple (I'm guessing) with poop in their pool.
Bridezillas. Need I say more?
Makeovers, redos, cleanups.
And a rehash of American Gladiators and a chef with anger management issues.