Wild Kingdom Part 1

This week on Wild Kingdom, we observe the hard-ass, tough guy and the helpless kitten in their natural environment.....

This past Monday I was sitting on the bed contemplating if it was too late in the evening to take a nap. (It was) Shawn comes home and asks....
"How was your day?"
"It was OK," I reply.
"Was it a good day or a bad day?"
He had the odd expression of a child attempting to get away with something, as though his hand were in the cookie jar and no one was looking.

"Why....?" I ask suspiciously.
"We have a problem. A small problem," Shawn said holding his hands about six inches apart.
We? We have a problem.
"Oh crap! What did you bring home? Did you bring home an animal?!"

Indeed he did. A kitten so small its eyes are still blue and dilated. Shawn used to be notorious for bringing home all sorts of junk. He works at an apartment complex and for years he thought every little piece of junk furniture or piece of garbage he found was pure gold. I thought I had broken him of this habit after nine years at this job.

"You said you wanted an outside cat!" Shawn reasoned.
"To catch mice and rats! This isn't a mouser; it's weak!" I exclaimed. "You'd better hope that rat is dead or it might eat that thing!"
"Well," Shawn mused, "at least it'll have a vendetta with rodents from the get go."

Ha, ha.

It sat in front of the office at Shawn's job "all day", he says. (Yeah, right) No mother, no other kittens. "I couldn't just leave it there! What would you do? I know you couldn't just leave it there!"

"I'd take it to the vet and drop it off!" I replied.

"So they can put it to sleep?!"

"They don't put kittens to sleep! Old cats, sick cats, vicious and rabid cats; those they put to sleep!"

I wasn't mad by any means. I only wish if Shawn was going to bring home a cat that it would be big enough to catch critters.

We had no idea how young this thing was. It's been almost 20 years since I've been around kittens or puppies. Since Dad made me stop bringing home every stray that crossed my path. 20 years since every stray got impregnated multiple times and gave birth in my parents garage multiple times.

We checked the internet. Thank God for the internet. Shawn got a small baby bottle and some replacement formula for kittens. The cat took it by an eye dropper since the nipple was too big on the bottle. She was barely walking, we thought she was only 2 or 3 weeks old. I think we were wrong. The little vicious thing has teeth and LOVES to chew on your knuckles, already cracked and bloody from the winter weather.

After a couple days, we tried canned kitten food. Mmmmm. How I miss the smell of canned pet food. Like vomit on a plate.

I'm not too keen on cats. Period. I had a couple of good cats in my lifetime, but in general, yes, I am a dog person. The only time a cat needs you is when it's helpless. They're not independent; they're snobs. And I certainly refuse to have a s--- box in the house. And more hair. We've already got two small dogs, a bird and a dead rat (somewhere) in the house. No more!

Even though Shawn was already attached to this tiny creature by the heart strings, he also agreed that as soon as it was big enough, it would be kicked (gently) outside and set to patrol the perimeter for rodents.

If this cat is half as good as our last one, I'll be finding piles of feathers and tufts of squirrel tail fur in no time.

OK, I'll admit, the cat can be cute sometimes, when it isn't crying. I made a giant box for it and placed a small litter box inside. She seems to be getting the idea. At least she finally pooped. We had her at least two or three days before she pooped. She's getting stronger and stronger every day. Since we're keeping her in the laundry room for now, I got the incentive to pull out the washer and dryer to clean back there since it was the rat's favorite place to hide. I nearly barfed from the amount of poo under the washer (see previous post about the sticky pad--it was there for a few days and we couldn't get to it) but it's done now.

Know the stupidest part? This is Shawn's find. He promised he'd take care it, which he has. He spends time with it and gets up earlier in the morning just to make sure she's eating. But, when the cat cries non stop and I pick it up.....she stops. She goes silent and breaks out into a loud purr.

Oh crap, it likes me.

We're all fresh out of lobster, but we have plenty of kitten tonight. Would you like to choose yours, sir?

Coming up next...

I clean out the Lazy Susan cabinet in search of the Smell of Death.

It Came From the Kitchen!!! Rated PG-13 for crude bathroom humor and some scary scenes.