Dogs & Cats

Indian Name: Eats With Face in Food

The pet industry has exploded in the past few years. There are dog cafes, restaurants where you may bring your dog (but no smoking!) and spas for animals--true spas where your pet may receive a full body massage. Don't even get me started on the people who "read" your pet's head.
I know what my dogs are thinking already....

PAY ATTENTION TO ME PAY ATTENTION TO ME PAY ATTENTION TO ME PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!!!

Your eating? I WANT SOME I WANT SOME I WANT SOME I WANT SOME!!!
I see that you are exhausted from work today. PLAY PLAY PLAY PLAY PLAY PLAY WITH MEEEEEEEE!!!

And the cat, well, right now she's thinking, What can I get into? In a few weeks, when she's grown, she'll be thinking, Who are you to try and pet ME? Go suck an egg or something. THAT might amuse me.

Everyone gets the idea that I hate cats. I don't hate cats, really. I just prefer dogs more. Probably cause they're dumb. And I know about dumb!

In the argument for dogs, consider this: If someone breaks into your house, would a cat have the ability to seriously injure or possibly kill the burglar? (how many times have you read in the paper about some vicious dog attack)

Not MY dogs of course. Dumb and Dumber are much too small. Though, they are a good replacement for the doorbell which quit working 3 years ago. No argument there!

On the other hand, my dogs aren't doing ANYTHING to eradicate our rodent problem. A bit of peanut butter mixed with rat poison did that trick. Still, I like to think that Death by Kitty is much more humane and goes along with Natural Selection. It's purely nature.

That's why we're rough housing with the kitten as much as possible. We're bringing up a mean kitty. Since the dogs are much too small to attack above the ankles, I'm gonna train the cat to attack strangers on command. "Sick 'im!" I'll say to a possible rapist.

And what will probably happen is the cat will walk up to the intruder and barf on his feet, then rub the side of her body against his leg while purring.

I'm glad we don't live in a dangerous neighborhood.

Dumber. Indian Name: Growls At Wind

OK, I gotta admit it. I didn't just come up with all this. It was actually a two part email to my cousin who said it was hilarious. It saved me from coming up with a topic. Yes, my post was an email to a friend. So there.