Christmas Blues

I was going to write about how much I hate winter. About how I'm so miserable when I'm cold. But it's been 80 degrees the past two days, so it's kinda hard to get that tone going.

We have a saying here in Texas. If you don't like the weather, just give it ten minuets....it'll change. And I'm glad it does. I'm no longer angry and depressed because it's cold, now it's simply because of traffic.

I wrote to a friend about my holiday blues this morning and figured it was blog worthy since I have nothing else at this point other than moaning and complaining about things that no one wants to hear about.

I told her that I almost forget why I celebrate Christmas.

http://home.swbell.net/rwpassmo/cross.htm

Interstate 40, Groom TX

I get so wrapped up in hating the shopping, the traffic, the people (My God! The PEOPLE!! They're everywhere!) the lines, the constant doing and doing and running here and there, the wrapping, the errands.....

I tend to fall into a downward spiral. I forget why I do it all. Oh, wait. I remember now. When someone shrieks, "Where'd you find this?!" I smile and thank God for the internet. I know, I know. The internet is mostly a giant buffet for pornography, but there really are other things to be found on the internet. Huh, who knew?!

When one of the nieces or nephews squeals, "How'd you know?" I smile because we wouldn't have been able to find that game on Playstation 2 if we weren't in the part time business of selling games.

When my gut is so completely stuffed with sausage (yes, sausage!) and Mom's mashed potatoes, I smile as I wish I had the indecency of an old man to just unzip my pants in front of God and everyone.

Why do I do it? Why do I get up at 4:30, pull in 9 hours at work and put in 5 more after I get off? Why do I fight the crowds and find myself actually reading a magazine at that thousand-year-traffic-light?

Well, we need food in the house for one thing.

Ok, but other than that, why do I do it?

Love. Just simply love. I know what I say about my family. I know what I think about them and am not allowed to say out loud or write down here. But I love them and they need things to shriek over now and then. And that's why I do it.

Though, I get so depressed over it all I actually lose weight during the Christmas season. I'm down to 110. I haven't weighed 110 since we lived at the apartments and survived on Dollar Store pasta and Ramen Noodles. Date Night usually consisted of crawling around on the floor to avoid the windows because of another drive-by. Those nights did bring us closer together though. Huddled on the floor by the phone, the disgruntled tone of the police dispatcher as our background music, the lights dim to make it appear as though no one was home.

Ah, memories.

Today we'll be brought closer as we have no choice. Shopping in Killeen. Trapped in the car, a small moving box with no escape. Elbow to elbow because neither of us can give the other an inch since very man, woman, and child in the Ft. Hood area seems to be at the mall. Shawn will squeeze my hand so I don't get carried off my the mob and I will look at him with an adoring look that says, "Why did you make me come shopping?!"

He's having a hard time coming up with what to get me. I got nothing. I don't know what I want. Really! What I want is something that cannot be wrapped. I want a little less to do. I want the dishes to be done, the trash taken out and the groceries put away.

What I do NOT want, is to go shopping today! God be with us. I've seen crowds more civilized at rock concerts. This is the mall. On a Saturday. Two weeks before Christmas. And some of the people there have special training.

No, I'm not referring to the GIs. I'm referring to the woman who have done nothing but shopped they're entire lives. Those women frighten me. And they're big purses too.

My first stop will be by the military surplus store for supplies. I'm gonna need protection.