Hints from Heloise

I used to try to read Heloise every day. Anymore, I'm starting to believe that the world is out of useful household tips.

Take for example a woman who wrote in with a hint about reusing coffee cans to "hold anything!"

Please. In the entire history of coffee cans and America, I seriously doubt a coffee can has ever been thrown out. Go to your local dump. I bet if you get 100 monkeys searching for 100 years, they wouldn't find a single coffee can.

And again with the coffee! One woman writes in to say that she just doesn't have time to make coffee for her husband in the busy morning (what, because it takes more and a minuet?)

So, she takes a large Tupperware container and stacks pre-filled coffee filters. In the morning, all she has to do is pull out a filter, place in the coffee maker, "and you're ready to go!"

I wonder how long it takes her to fill every one of those filters? Um, I prepare my coffee the night before and just turn it on while I'm brushing my teeth. Takes about 5 seconds each morning to get from the kitchen to my toothbrush.

And while I'm at it, what's with all the exclamation points in every hint/tip letter? Ever read Heloise? Or the the magazine Woman's World? It's as though there was a massive Day After Thanksgiving Sale on exclamation points.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I also wish Heloise would stop telling everyone to put talcum power on their nasty dry clean only jacket collars and hairspray on every stain from chicken grease to chewing gum.

You can't tell people to do that! No matter how many times you tell them, "Test on the inside hem for color fastness" or "Don't do this silks" they will ALWAYS screw up and bring it to me to magically and miraculously repair.

Now, not only do I have the pleasure of removing your neck grease and make-up stains on your collar, but I have to plow through Shower to Shower to get even get it!!!! (exclamation point sale)

And please, please, do not even touch that silk blouse. I cannot put the color back in once you've scratched it all out with an alcohol based chemical.


I must be a little disgruntled. This post deserves to be concluded by a: !