Chick Magnet

We went to a friend's house last night for a good 'ol fashioned game of Texas Hold 'Em Poker. Being that it's just for fun, it was a $5 buy-in with beginning bets of 10 cents. Whoa--High Rollers!!

Now that's my kind of game! I'm not very good at poker because I don't care much for it. Shawn is invited because he plays about once a month or so and can keep track of everything while everyone else gets drunk. I'm invited because I don't drink and can keep track of everything while everyone else gets drunk. I announce that it's been a year since I've played and wound up winning the first hand. Huh. Go figure.

I was actually doing pretty OK until I got tired and began to lose my money on purpose so we could go. Shawn was doing the same thing and accidentally won a large pot of $15. Good going Shawn. It was late. I was tired. Shawn's knee was hurting something fierce and he wins $10 on a crappy hand.

Shoulda known better since everyone was drunk. One chick drank about $200 worth of liquor. Neither of us drink so we're obvious ringers even when we're trying to lose.

Bill, the host, forced us to cash out. Shawn argued with him that he should divide his money evenly between the players, leave our money on the table and we would just go home. But Bill would have nothing of it. Shawn ended up walking out with $22.

But the money is not the point. The point is that we had a fun night of talking, laughing, telling dirty jokes, and picking on each other. We met knew people and made fun of our Cadillac Funds in the form of 5 cent chips. Stephen was there so he outed me as geek once he started talking about Spider-Man and all that. Thanks Stephen.


And one more thing. I think I have confirmed that I am a chick magnet. See at company functions, there's one chick who likes to hug on me and go on and on about how pretty I look when I try to leave. I always wondered if she was just being super-nice, was just a touchy-huggy person or had other ideas. You know what I sayin'?

I've always had kinda low self-esteem and I don't even own any make-up except for some eye shadow and liner. I don't fix my hair because I don't know how to. I have acne scars on my face and over-plucked eyebrows.

However, there was another chick at this party that we'll call Jane. When Jane and her husband first came over, I shook her hand and she shook back with a light, shy handshake. Get a few drinks in her and she became the life of the party.

As we were leaving, Jane could not figure out where she new me from and asked where I worked. I told her I worked at the dry cleaners and she literally would not let go of me. She latched on me like a leech, hugging, rubbing my back, and to be honest--I think she was trying to cop a feel at one point. She kept laughing about I might find some of her underwear in her clothes. (because I'm the dry cleaner there, remember?) She kept telling me how beautiful I am, metions her underwear again, and so on and so on....

I think a few might have noticed how uncomfortable I was. I didn't notice really, because I was looking around for the Jaws of Life. Jane hugged on me so much as we were trying to leave, I actually smelled like her. OK, maybe I'm blowing things out of proportion. Maybe she's just a lovable drunk. But I ain't putting my car keys in no bowl, alright?!

I mean, if this a dude, Shawn might have punched Jane in the face, you get what I'm trying to say? So all the way home I joked about how I AM a chick magnet and the only sort of guys who look at me are 13 year old boys because I look like I'm about 13.

And mothers--no need to lock up your daughters. I'm happy married to a man and I just don't float that way.