Survivor: A Cup

If you've been living in a cave for the last several years, "Survivor" is a "reality" TV show in which contestants are dumped off on a deserted island and have to live off the land and by their own wits. Contestants particpate in physical and mental challenges to earn rewards and to avoid being kicked off. The top prize is $1 Million Dollars.
People often lose weight rapidly on the show because there is little to eat. They must endure living in (*shutter*) nature and the elements while surviving the pshycological aspects of the game. One contestant is voted off the by their own peers every 3 days.

(Because of the weight loss, contestants' clothes start to fall off and viewers are forced to see countless blurred boobs and non-blurred butt cracks--but more on that later)

A local Dodge dealership has open call for Survivor today. Shawn would be the best choice out of the two of us but he's working so all week he's been trying to talk me into going.

You go to the local news website and fill out a form and then go to the dealership and they shoot a 2 minuet video of you telling all about yourself.

There isn't enough tape in the world....!

I considered it. "Should I tell them I hate the outdoors?" I asked.
"Tell 'em everything!" Shawn said.
"I hate people, I hate the outdoors, I'm obsessive compulsive, emotional, I's stink at the challenges, I don't play well with others, I don't follow instructions well. I'm loud, obnoxious, slightly funny and I have a serious attitude. Oh, and I am absolutely terrifeid of being on an airplane."

"They're looking for entertaining people," Shawn quipped. "You might be just what they're looking for."
"But I'm blind as a bat without my contact or glasses and I can barely swim!"
"SO? It's a million dollars!" Shawn was fighting a losing battle here.
"Well, I'm telling you right now that if I did get picked, I'm professionally having every stray hair waxed off this body of mine. I'm gonna learn how to swim and practice making a fire in the backyard." I never did understand why the contestants didn't practice making fire at home before they ship off.

After checking out the website I discovered that you take your little application and stand in line forever. I only have so many Saturdays left in my life. And what are the odds of me being picked anyway? Some of the women they pick on Survivor are pretty volumptuous and tend to fall out during challenges.

"A cups just don't fall out on they're own..." I said.
"Stop being so hard on yourself!" Shawn replied.
"I wasn't being hard on myself, just stating the facts. Actually, the smaller breasted population have an easier time running around at those challenges and end up doing better.

Of course, I would be the first to start whining. "This is the worst vacation ever! That's the last time I use a discount travel agent! If I wanted to stare at hairy butt cracks all day, I'd gone to local gym. I need coffee! Who's got coffee?! You want a piece of me? HUH? Do something! I'll drop you right here and now! Let's go! You and me, right here, right now!"

And that's only Day One.