Crickets and Cockroaches

AFTER NUCLEAR WAR...COCKROACHES WILL BE ALL THAT'S LEFT....

We don't have roaches. Period. I spray an awesome bug spray in all corners of the house until we're all puking and have to open the windows. (OK, you know I am exaggerating because we have a bird and 2 dogs--but you get the idea) When I see one or two--time to spray again! Nasty little buggers. They poop like mice and some of them even fly! I've seen it myself!!!

We have spiders and pill bugs, but I haven't found a spray for that yet and their not as gross as roaches so it doesn't bother quite as badly. The pill bugs just come in the house to die. That's all. I find their little carcasses mostly under the toe kicks in the bathroom and kitchen. They get caught up in the spider webs I've failed to remove and just die.

It's a little morbid. What grosses me out is when I step up to the sink and hear *crunch* ...And make a mad dash for the broom to sweep up the tiny little bodies.

We have geckos like crazy around the outside of the house (they prefer to live in the mailbox for some odd reason). As you might imagine, they are the fattest lizards you've ever seen in your life. To control the pill bug population, I've almost considered letting all the geckos inside to raise them as pets. Maybe then the dogs would stop antagonizing each other. Free chew toys!

In Texas, we have an abundance of crickets. It's more like a plague, really. When I was in high school, we had an open area out back with a couple picnic tables. The crickets went there to die. It was like their home in Florida.

Then they baked in the hot summer sun--because summer begins in March here. The concrete would be black in a sea of dead crickets and the stench of death so horrible that no one could stand it except for the nerds avoiding the bullies.

The onslaught of crickets around the house isn't nearly as bad--they hang out in the bushes and stay alive only for one function--to make noise. It's never bothered me because I've heard this noise since the day I was born.

However, the crickets find their way to my place of work, and come inside to do one thing, and one thing only: Die.

So I had a dream last night that some mad scientist cross bred crickets with cockroaches and they wound up EVERYWHERE!!!!!

Dream? Nightmare, more like it. If you've ever followed my writings, you know I'm weird about cleanliness and washing my hands. In the dream, I was in bed when the odd mutations began to crawl all over me and I screamed and swiped at them, unable to get them off me.

They spread all over the bed room.... I woke up.

I looked around. No bugs. No bugs pooping over my clean surfaces. No bugs dying on the floor, therefore making it "dirty".

As I brushed my teeth, I found myself still swatting at me body.

Just in case.