This May Spoil It For You

If you haven't seen the new War of the Worlds movie, this may turn out to be a spoiler, but I'll do my best to let it not be.

I enjoyed the orginal War of the Worlds of HG Wells. Of course, I wasn't born yet, but I listened to the radio play on an audio cassette tape (remember those?) when i was very young and read the book in high school (though I don't recall much of either)

Anyhow, the movie was VERY disapointing. The effects were cool and the story was full of adrenaline but alas, it is Tom Cruise after all.

All this time he's running from the aliens and I would've thought he'd be happy to see the aliens! Kinda like the way Christians might act when Jesus comes back!

(if you don't get that joke--read a paper. Cruise is into Scientology which is based on the beliefs that aliens came to this planet and millions of years ago and, ahem, "created" all of us. HA HA! I have as easier time believing that Something I'd never seen nor heard created us from dust)

Ok, so when Cruise and family are running to the ferry--what's up with the blood donations?! I'm sorry, but I'd be like, "Oh, sorry--I don't have time right now, I'm running from the killer robots!"

Come on! Who in their right mind would've stopped to give blood. Anyone that was hurt or near death would've just stayed that way until they either got trampled or shot by a laser--which incidentally doesn't work on clothing--just through it.

Those darn rayon-polyester blends! The aliens weren't prepared for synthetic fibers, now were they?

So let's just say the aliens came here years and years ago, buried the machines in rural, underdeveloped areas where no one would notice. Why let man develop the land just to kill all of humanity? Seems kinda pointless.

And what was up with the blood-root-vines-things? Shawn and I both thought the blood was being used a fuel for the machines, but instead it was being sprayed onto the ground where it grew into a red root.

Why did the blood grow into a root? I dunno. Tom Cruise don't know. What's was it for? No one seems to know.

And then the ending! These robotic machines just...quit. Is our air so polluted that the machines just "died". Our machines seem to be doing just fine in our spoiled air! And the aliens seemed to be breathing it just fine for a couple days. I don't konw about you, but I doubt I'd last more than 45 seconds in air that wasn't like the earth's. A couple days...now that's stretching it a bit.

Ok, we've established that the wrecking of carnage is over, so Cruise goes to find his ex-wife in Boston and LOOK! The boy we all thought was dead is not! He somehow survived the death rays AND a wall of napalm!! Wow!

If you think that spoiled the story, I'll let you know right here that it doesn't. The writing is mediocre at best and Cruise overacts like he's never overacted before. He ought to get the Golden Globe or whatever for Best Overactor.

Dakota Fanning was cute and childlike as always, but let's face it--that won't last long. This kid's been in 1,846 movies in the last 2 years. She'll be on cocaine in another year if she isn't already. And expect her to look like a mix between Courtney Love and one of the Olsen twins with the way they're over working the poor child.

To sum up, I guess I'd give it a couple stars. The effects were cool--even if expected and there was plenty of adrenaline to keep your hand in the popcorn bucket. Since this movie is considered pretty old, I'd recommend you see a newer one called The Ringer, in which Johnny Knoxville pretends to be "special" in order to rig the Special Olympics.

Personally, I think Knoxville could've done better with his character-in-character, but's it's a much better 2 hours spent than War of the Worlds.

Besides, I don't stutter and get tongue tied when pronouncing The Ringer.