Paranoia Express

In local news, some vials were found on the side of the road in Copperas Cove. Now, we’ve always had concerns living so close to the largest land base in the world (or so I’m told). Shawn’s always convinced it’s going to get hit, which means (in his head) our dinky city will also be attacked. (with all the road construction I don’t see how that’s even remotely possible. Only a fool would try to navigate this area)

“Shawn! We don’t live in Fort Hood! We don’t even live in Cove! No one’s coming to storm our house!” I rant and I rave and we constantly fight about whether we should have a gun in the house.

My rationalization is that you cannot fight an airplane hurling at your house with a .45 or a large crowd of extremists for that matter.

I win. For now. We compromised. Shawn has a stash of water and canned goods and I laugh at him for it. It’s a fair trade. Besides, I always like to laugh.

So back to the current story, these vials were filled with, ahem, Hepatitis, Botellism (I can’t spell it--pronounced boch-uh-liz-m) and Da-Da-Da-Da! …Anthrax.

On the news they said there was no immediate threat to the fine citizens of the area.

No, not at all. Just the fact that several vehicles had rolled over these diseases and smashed the casing. Just the fact that Cove is a mere 45 minuet drive from our home!

That’s all. Ha ha!

“Where did it come from?” I asked Shawn. “They don’t know,” he answered.

Thinking of the base, I bet I know where it was going. You really expect me think that was hospital garbage or on the way to a legitimate lab? So what am I gonna do? Live my life in fear? No, I’m gonna go to work, continue to gripe and moan about taxes and carry on as I always do. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go say my prayers and look up gas masks on eBay.