One of the Guys

I think Tim Allen put it best when he said that Men are Pigs. Which, if you think about it, is almost a compliment. After all, pigs are said to be smarter than dogs.

Soon after I started my job at the cleaners, I was invited to a poker game by my boss, Allan. He religiously sets up a monthly Texas Hold 'Em game. Shawn and I had never played this game. I had played cards with my dad when I was young and he taught me the basics of poker. But we always played for Cheetos. The only reason I know the difference between a Full House and a Flush and what beats what is from playing countless hours of Yahtzee with my mom and sister.

The game was $20 each which meant a total of $40 in one Saturday night. Not my idea of a good time. Shawn says I'm cheap but I like to think of as "thrifty". Besides, let him do the shopping and bills and see how "thrifty" he might become.

Neither of us really wanted to go. We're both sort of home-bodies but I felt a little obligated since it was my boss asking. Let's face it, everyone thinks their boss is stealing time or money from them, at least in a poker game I could have it done out in the open. Ha ha!

Naturally, I was the chick in the house and I went broke in about an hour. I had soon become bored while Shawn started to clean up. "I'm having fun! Aren't you having fun?!" he exclaimed. Yeah, he had a pile of chips in front of him. I had a flat soda in front of me. Oodles of fun!!

I tell ya, I really get off on listening to a bunch of dudes tell fart jokes while they belch and fart. I'm no prude, mind you--I can belch loud enough to rattle the windows. It's just I prefer a bit more... anything. Fart jokes tend to get old after the 76th one. I suppose if I had suddenly shouted, "Poo-poo! Pee-pee!" they might've all laughed like a bunch of 11 year old boys. But that was in a sense, much of the consistency of the night's topics. That's the trouble with mixing beer and men.

Shawn doesn't drink so I at first attributed that to his winning streak. But after the high rollers showed up, it was pretty much all over. We are almost middle class and in debt up to our eyeballs. We were playing poker with a bunch of business owners and owners sons. That's right, Dum-Dum, get the picture.

By 10pm I was half asleep and actually praying for Shawn to run out of money so we could go home. I had intentionally left my purse at home but lo and behold, Shawn had a hidden $20 bill in his pocket. By 12:30am I was practically laid over the table. "Please God! Let him go broke so I go to bed!" That's pretty bad for someone who picks up a 5 pound bag of flour and puts it back after spotting one for 7 whole cents cheaper. It's called thrifty.

After 2 hours of Shawn steadily losing his money, it was finally over. I told him that he was hustled. I was taken quite easily because I didn't quite understand the game or the fart jokes. These are business men, remember.

We lost a total of $60 in only a few hours. Shawn had complete blast, is totally addicted and couldn't wait to have a game at our own house.

Sigh.