The Hospital Bill

Our local hospital, Scott and White, is in the top 100 for the country. They've got a building on every block of the city, not to mention clinics in adjacent cities. (Our inside joke is that Scott and White is taking over. Soon, where the Dollar Store used to be, will be a green building with the sign, "Scott and White Dollar" or "S&W Wal-Mart") All this merely gives them the right to charge whatever they darn well please.

A couple weeks after starting my new job in June 2005, I'd let myself become dehydrated. I spent several hours in the ER after finally being taking back. A bag of saline was hooked up to me and it made me very cold. The dizziness went away but apparently they pumped a sleepy drug in me as well. That was fine by me since it took 2 nurses and six or seven tries to pop the needle in my arm. The drugs hit me so hard, I couldn't walk on my own. When I tried to hop down from the table my legs were virtually Jello. Were it not for Shawn on my left and a nurse on my right, I surely would've hit the floor.

All that cost about $500.

Yeah.

In September I caught a cold. That turned into Bronchitis. A five minuet visit with a over-booked doctor and a prescription. That cost me $200.

Then, I got Pneumonia. Only I didn't know what was wrong yet. My left arm and shoulder were in so much pain I couldn't move it. It was a couple hours after we'd gotten home from work and I told Shawn. We were at the ER until midnight.

I have blood that squirts for some odd reason. A couple years ago I was at the clinic for a check-up to remain on birth control and when the nurse took my blood, it squirted all over her smock and my pants. Presently, at the ER, someone had taken blood from me. This person didn't realize I was a squirter and blood was ALL OVER that side of the bed. I've always been a kind of free bleeder.

I was in pain for HOURS. I'm pretty tough but all I wanted was to go to sleep. They wouldn't give me anything! I begged them, I pleaded! They just continued to stick needles in me to test for this or that.

Then came time for the X-rays. Oh, the hurt! They made me sit up, which I could barely do, let alone on by myself. An ice cold metal plate was stuck between my back and the bed. I groaned and moaned, "Are we done? Are you done?"

Finally they gave me some drug through the IV and I was almost instantly sound asleep. I never slept so good for 30 minuets in my life! It was like I was almost dead. I didn't care if I never went home or ate anything ever again. Good stuff, there.

They figured out it was Pneumonia and charged me about $3000. Not counting the hours I lost at my job.

Yep.

I haven't had Health Insurance since I was 19 and under my Dad's plan. Shawn reprimanded me for not having insurance. But what could we do? It was so expensive!

I spent the next several months on the computer researching companies, plans, policies, exemptions...

And you know what? Women cost TWICE as much a month as men, I'm assuming because they have more plumbing. Does a pap smear once a year really cost so much?

I was actually turned down by Blue Cross after paying the $30 application fee. I was prescribed a mild anti-depressant for 2 months--TEN YEARS AGO. That was their reason for decline. I researched the drug and found no long term effects and appealed the decision.

I got another rejection letter.

I eventually came across a company called Aetna. They offered a reasonable rate that we could afford with some trimming and cutting back. The plan is actually pretty good though it doesn't cover pregnancy or delivery, but I figure I just continue to go to the city clinic for that stuff anyway, should it come up.

What? I pay taxes. I pay a pretty high amount in taxes, if you ask me. I ain't on welfare or food stamps. I should be allowed to get my Pill at the clinic. In paying these sky high taxes, I'm paying for thousands of non-working deadbeats to live off the government. I'm just getting a little in return. If I have a bunch of babies and get a legal divorce from Shawn, I too could probably live for free.

Most of the girls there are too young to be having sex anyway. At least I'm MARRIED, under the state and under God's eyes. I'm being responsible!